{"id":3837,"date":"2014-09-24T11:20:47","date_gmt":"2014-09-24T11:20:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/?p=3837"},"modified":"2015-06-02T11:25:49","modified_gmt":"2015-06-02T11:25:49","slug":"the-onion-nasa-administrator-resigns-after-leak-of-offensive-anti-moon-email","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/2014\/09\/24\/the-onion-nasa-administrator-resigns-after-leak-of-offensive-anti-moon-email\/","title":{"rendered":"The Onion: “NASA Administrator Resigns After Leak Of Offensive Anti-Moon Email”"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Bolden reportedly made several comparisons between the moon and an empty parking lot and called the moon \u201cone rung above space debris.\u201d<\/p>\n

HOUSTON\u2014Saying he deeply regretted his \u201cthoughtless and insensitive\u201d comments, NASA Administrator Charles Bolden announced his resignation as head of the nation\u2019s space agency Tuesday following the disclosure of an email in which he made a number of disparaging statements about the moon.<\/p>\n

Bolden, a 35-year NASA veteran, had reportedly faced mounting pressure to step aside ever since an internal office email in which he characterized the moon as \u201cuseless\u201d and \u201ca barren eyesore\u201d came to light several weeks ago.<\/p>\n

\u201cI am truly sorry for the inappropriate, untrue, and hurtful things I wrote about the moon,\u201d Bolden said at a press conference from Johnson Space Center, adding that he was vacating his post immediately so that NASA could quickly begin the search for a leader who \u201cbetter embodies the agency\u2019s high standard of conduct.\u201d \u201cMy words were poorly chosen and do not reflect my true feelings about the moon nor the beliefs of the dedicated men and women at NASA. The moon has been integral not just to our nation\u2019s space program, but also to Earth itself, regulating tides and stabilizing the planet\u2019s rotational axis for billions of years.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNASA deserves better than my indefensible remarks,\u201d added Bolden. \u201cAnd, most of all, so does the moon.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the email, sent to several top NASA officials, an exasperated Bolden appears to vent his frustrations about the agency\u2019s historic involvement with the moon, going so far as to say that Earth\u2019s lone natural satellite \u201call but ruins the night sky for me\u201d and that every dollar spent on lunar exploration might as well have been \u201cthrown straight in the trash.\u201d Later in the email, Bolden seems to downplay the significance of the recent 45th anniversary of the historic Apollo 11 moon landing, wondering \u201chow the hell Neil Armstrong just didn\u2019t fall asleep walking around on that thing.\u201d<\/p>\n

Longtime colleagues of Bolden told reporters that while they respected him for his many contributions to the agency over the course of his career, they agreed that his remarks concerning the widely beloved celestial body, unmistakably sent from his email account and typed by his own hand, had destroyed his credibility.<\/p>\n

\u201cI wish I could understand what would possess someone so committed to space exploration to say such ugly things about the moon,\u201d NASA Associate Administrator Robert Lightfoot said, adding that he was shocked and appalled when he read Bolden\u2019s wish that the moon would \u201cjust wane itself out of existence.\u201d \u201cBut his comments were clearly inexcusable. Unfortunately, I think his resignation was the only way for NASA, and for Charles himself, to move forward.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis isn\u2019t the Charles Bolden I know,\u201d added Lightfoot. \u201cAt least the one I thought I knew.\u201d<\/p>\n

Several unnamed NASA sources, however, told reporters that Bolden\u2019s moon email was indicative of a pattern of intolerance that spanned decades and that also included derogatory comments about astronomical phenomena such as pulsars, sunspots, and the spherical mass of comet-like objects beyond the outermost planets known as the Oort cloud.<\/p>\n

Additionally, sources pointed to an event honoring the retirement of the Space Shuttle in 2011, when a hot mic reportedly caught Bolden calling gas giant planets \u201cbig fucking nothings.\u201d<\/p>\n

While an interim NASA administrator is expected to be appointed within days, Bolden himself acknowledged that it would take time to find a successor capable of undoing the damage he had inflicted and even suggested that his attacks on the moon may in fact have irreparably tarnished the space agency\u2019s legacy.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe person who will assume my post will be forced to shoulder an immense burden of my own making,\u201d Bolden said. \u201cFor the sake of America\u2019s space program, I only hope he or she will have the commitment and wherewithal to slowly build back the trust that I violated with my destructive words about Earth\u2019s moon. It is a special, important, and unique astronomical body, and NASA will always remain committed to it.\u201d<\/p>\n

At press time, NASA was launching a probe to deliver its formal apologies to the moon.<\/i><\/p>\n

http:\/\/www.theonion.com\/article\/nasa-administrator-resigns-after-leak-of-offensive-36992<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Bolden reportedly made several comparisons between the moon and an empty parking lot and called the moon \u201cone rung above space debris.\u201d HOUSTON\u2014Saying he deeply regretted his \u201cthoughtless and insensitive\u201d comments, NASA Administrator Charles Bolden announced his resignation as head of the nation\u2019s space agency Tuesday following the disclosure of an email in which he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[62],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3837","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humor"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3837","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3837"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3837\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3841,"href":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3837\/revisions\/3841"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3837"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3837"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/factualfiction.com\/marsartists\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3837"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}